I'm sitting here writing to you this morning with a heart so very full and so very thankful for all that I have been given by my Heavenly Father and the wonderful individuals He has placed in my life, including all of you. I don't think I have ever been this nervous writing a blog post before though...my hands are shaking, my heart about to burst.
My sweet husband and I have been married for 13 years. He is truly the best thing in the world to ever happen to me. I am forever thankful for this gentle man who I have the privilege of loving and who loves me back. We have experienced so much together....lots of good, so much happiness, many tender mercies, etc. He's been there for me as we've experienced many heartbreaks together. These things have made us so strong and looking back on these experiences, I am thankful for them because each has brought us closer to one another.
Just a little over 9 years ago, the most beautiful, perfect, tiny angel was placed in our arms. She is one of the miracles we have experienced together as she was brought into our lives through the amazing process of adoption. Oh, how we love her....she is the light of our life! We thank our Heavenly Father and her Birth Mother every day.
I am excited and terrified to share with you all that we are embarking down the pathway of adoption again. I feel this pull and tug at my heart to try again....that there is a little being out there who needs a home, and our hearts have so much more love to give. A year ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to try IVF. I was 100% certain it would work and just knew it was an answer to our prayers. My arms miss the little 4 month old that would be here with me today. It was devastating. I must admit that this, without a doubt, has been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced in my life. It has taken me a long time to overcome and I am still doing my best, but I'm certain there are others out there who can attest to the fact that this is something you never get over. There are days I feel like a part of me was broken in this process....like a bird with a broken wing. But, this experience has also taught me so much about myself, the depth of love my Heavenly Father has for me, and the experience has made me even more grateful for my dear husband and little girl. I'm so thankful I have them. I don't regret our IVF attempt...not for a minute. It may be hard for some to understand....why go through all of that without a guarantee, to spend the money and have nothing in return, but my feeling is that I will try whatever I possibly can to bring a little life here to earth. No regrets. I know the tears and heartbreak will all be worth it someday, if not in this life, then in the next. We all have trials and this is mine. Sometimes I really stink about how I handle it...so sorry about that, but other times I am given a glimpse into eternity and understand completely.
So, as I share my heart and soul with you today, I simply ask for your thoughts and prayers as we begin the process of adoption. I believe in miracles. Some of you I have never met. Some speak a different language and live in countries far away. But, we all speak the language of love, so I know you will understand. I love you dear friends and family.
P.S. These sweet little cards were made for Emma's Paperie.
P.P.S. I love you Mom! You are my angel mother and I thank you for being so patient with me. For always knowing exactly what to say to me at the right time and for letting me cry on your shoulder whenever I need you. I don't know how I got so lucky as to have you as mine.